Sunday. 1 PM. Going against everything my body is telling me, I get out of bed. Without some food (and quick), my stomach will for sure send something from the depths of hell out either end of me. Me, not wanting to stick around for this joyous event, decide to venture out to get a bagel and coffee to calm the beast that is my stomach this Sunday afternoon. I walk outside and quickly realize that either I am on the surface of the sun, or I am a lot more hung over then I thought.
In an effort to avoid the sun, which by the way is really really difficult, I begin to walk with my head down. Thats when I begin to notice it: the sidewalk…its different then I remember…either it has leperacy, some sort of concrete chicken pox, or else there is throw up and garbage dotting each concrete square like blemishes on a pubescent 13 year-old’s face.
As I side step perfectly placed puddles of puke, I notice the edges of the sidewalk are peppered with evidence of the night before: pizza boxes, beer cans, a broken high heel, and even someone’s dignity. It does not take a detective to trace this line of littler back to its source: the college student. The simple walk to get some food has turned into an obsticle course, trying ever so carefully to avoid both the rubbish beneath my feet and my fellow members of the “One Too Many Club”.
Whether it be beer or liquor, high heels or Timbs, plain or pepperoni, make saturday night worth it; just for god sake’s never walk home barefoot. No amount of bleach, detergent, bodywash, or sulfuric acid could clean your sole of the filth you would pick up. On sunday morning wake up knowing that you don’t have Grover’s Disease (yes, its a real skin disease, look it up) and that you did not add to the maze of beer, vomit, and numerous other items that for some reason could not find their way to that trash can, which is literally five feet away from their current locations.
Are you the one throwing up or the one stepping in it?
I wanna know…adamf@collegeprowler.com (pictures never hurt either).
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