Since we were little kids, we’ve been told that lying was bad. We held our little noses in fear as we watched Pinocchio’s grow. But is lying really that bad? Sure, it’s ruined marriages, friendships, politicians, and hey, maybe even an empire or two. I understand lying is potentially dangerous. BUT, what about little, white, harmless lies? Come on now, sometimes it’s fun. I wouldn’t go as far as Natalie Portman did in Closer when she said, “Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off her clothes.” That’s just ridiculous; however, sometimes in the appropriate situation we can find enjoyment… in lying.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not advocating lying. I’m really just getting at one solid point, which would be… Lying to drunk people is absolutely, no doubt, positively HILARIOUS. People are so gullible when they’re drunk and everyone once in a while it’s just fun to use it to your advantage, especially if you’re Sober Suzie and bored as hell. Please, refrain from throwing me shameful looks. I’m not slipping anyone roofies… I’m just changing my name or phone number or major. And so what if it makes me laugh a little at someone else’s expense? You’re a saint?
Well, now that you get it, here’s a few scenarios in which little white lies, in my mind, are acceptable:
1. Name
“Hi, I’m John.” “Hi, I’m Jasmine. And this is Ariel, Belle, and Pocahontas.” (LIE)“Wow, you guys have really unique names.”
Now make sure you wait till John stumbles away before the laughter begins, no matter how many Jager bombs he’s sucked down, or he’ll know you’re all Disney Princess frauds!
2. Phone Number
” Can I get yo’ numbah, grl?” “Oh yeah, definitely. Do you have your phone? It’s 412-567-2767.” (LIE)“Bangin’. I’ll hit you up late-tro.”
Now please imagine the face on this “ballah” when he realizes you gave him an automated rejection hot line. HA.
3. Hometown
” Dude, I love the Patriots. I’m from right outside Boston. Where are you from?” “I’m from the same place as you. We went to high school together. You were really mean to me back then.” (LIE)Preferably use this one on someone who is trying to get in your pants because they obviously think you’re hot and when you tell them they were once mean to you they will feel dumb and ponder what they were thinking back in high school for a quite a few days. Entertaining AND fulfilling! My kind of lie.
4. Age / School Status
“Uh, how old are you? I’m like already a junior.” “Really? That’s crazy. I’m a senior. You look familiar. Are you in my Analysis of Political Variables in East Asian Economic Development? With Professor Oxford? Don’t you think he is just briliant?” (LIE)Who cares if you look young? You’re taking a class with more words in it’s title than all of hers combined, and you have Professor Oxford?! Everyone knows professor Oxford. SCORE! Too bad the bouncers at the local bars probably won’t fall for this one.
5. Relationship Status
“Do you wanna come back to my house?” “Ah, sorry can’t. My boyfriend (or girlfriend) would not be very happy.” (LIE)So maybe this one doesn’t leaving you dying of laughter but, hey, you got that creeper away!
This all may not be ethical, but it’s fun. It’s really not hurting much. You know these lushes won’t remember half of it in the morning anyway. Maybe you’re creating a bad day here and there, but nothing too substantial. Plus, it’s fun. SO… Let your nose grow. Metaphorically, of course. And lie, lie, lie. Just remember: nothing TOO big, okay?
Have you lied? Need to confess? I wanna hear it below!
Photo courtesy of The Crescent Theatre
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