College Jolt

Free food tastes better.  Its science.

I don’t know why and I don’t know how but there is something about free food.  It tickles your taste buds the way purchased food just cannot.  With the new school year upon us, the opportunity for free food is plentiful.  All of the 17,453 groups on campus are trying to coax you into joining their cause, often with the use of food paid for through the fees they charge their already existent members (haha suckers).

There is no better time to pretend you are interested in so many different, and often conflicting, groups.  If you want free pizza from the College Democrats, take it from me, don’t wear the sticker you got at the College Republicans meeting.  Oh and guess what, you do not have to be Asian to go to the Asian Student Alliance meeting, and let me tell you that Pad Thai was totally worth it.  Rush week is free people and its not a commitment.  Milk the frats for those free wings.  You’ll pay them back when you go to their parties, seeing that admissions are via a set of breasts or a five dollar bill.

The downside to all this free food?  Yes, unfortunately there is one: email lists.  There is nothing worse then having 35 new messages in your inbox and none of them are from anyone you care about.  But, as with most things in life, there are simple ways around these incessent inbox inquistions.

1. Write someone else’s email.  How will they know…they’re not running any background checks.  And how pissed will your ex-girlfriend be when she is getting an email a week from “Student for the Legalization of Barbiturates”.
2. Tell them you are already on the email list.  Guarantee they won’t check. And this way hopefully when they have another free food event they won’t hassle you.
3. Pretend you don’t speak english.  Just be careful with this one, especially if you are at a foreign groups event and you don’t actually speak Mandarin.

As the year progresses the chances for free food become more scarce but certainally do no vanish.  Groups hold events and often provide some sort of delicacy (regional cuisine if applicable).  Just follow your nose.  If it smells like food, chances are, it is food.  If it doesn’t smell like food then for pete’s sake don’t eat it.

What’s your favorite free food?  Im hungry to know… adamf@collegeprowler.com

(Photo courtesy of darden.edu)

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